The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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