id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
