i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
