the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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