I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
