we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
