That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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