Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
