My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
