do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i drank out of a bidet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
