Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
