I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
