Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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