I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
