i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
