she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
