dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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