No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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