That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
