it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
