I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
