i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
