Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
