I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
