LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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