Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
