New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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