Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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