i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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