going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
