Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
