At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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