I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
