im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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