I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
