Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
