You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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