im drinking this country out of the recession.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
