You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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