eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
