i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
