Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
