11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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