drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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