It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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