Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
