She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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