Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
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