Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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