My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
