we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
