Apparently you make a good broom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
