to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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