i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
