Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
