you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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