Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
