My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
