I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fuck appropriateness.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
