This is not my ceiling
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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