She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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