If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
