I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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