After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
