ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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