Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
