Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
