i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
