Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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