I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
