its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
