If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
