Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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