Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
