I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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