I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
